Monday, July 7, 2008

Top 10 Reasons I Hate Hot Weather


10. Often creates situations where two of the most unpleasant words in the English language are put together: SWEATY and ARMPITS.

9. Woman on street: Large. Her shorts: Small.

8. Ski resorts are closed. Answer me this: How come (I love those 2 words) we can send a man to the moon but can't figure out how to ski on dirt? Churn it up, make it soft, make some special skis. Come on!

7. LOST is not on TV. Neither is football. AMERICA'S GOT TALENT is. 'Nuff said.

6. Lots of people have no problem figuring out the first item to cut when a recession hits: deoderant.

5. When you get back into your parked car, it feels like Smaug the Dragon just sneezed the eternal flames of heck (I have young readers) inside.

4. Everyone likes to swim. Everyone wants to swim. Why do people like to swim? Wouldn't you rather be skiing? Why is it that when we swim, it's suddenly okay for everyone to see everyone else in their underwear, which 99 times out of 100 is a very unpleasant experience? Can you imagine going into the office for work one day and everyone was just chillin' in their swimsuits? Ew.

3. The kids are out of school. Um, no, um, I mean, rather, um, this is a reason why I LOVE summer! Yeah, that's it.

2. You can see everyone's feet. You can see everyone's stinky, long-nailed, dirty-bottomed, callused, toe-jam infested feet. Feet are disgusting. I can barely look at mine, let alone yours. Give me cold weather, heavy socks, and snow boots any day.

1. It means we're a LONG way from Turkey Day, my birthday, and Christmas, the best 30 day period of the year.


In case you missed it, here's our exciting announcement about THE MAZE RUNNER: click here.

Have a great day, and I'm actually not that much of a summer-hater. I just despise it when we hit triple digits!!!!!!

22 comments:

Kimberly said...

Hee hee...that was such a hoot!

I was looking through Desert Book's catalogue and saw The 13th Reality in there and was bragging it up to my husband.

"I read that guy's blog. Cool, eh?"

He wasn't that impressed. The nerve.

Summersfam said...

Oh boy, I am so with you on that one. I don't enjoy summer or feet. Congrats on The Maze Runner, by the way. That's awesome!!

Tamra Norton said...

Dashner--what's up with you and feet? Enjoy the season of sandals, my friend. Embrace your Berkinstoks (but please don't wear socks with them). Make friends with some flip-flops. (Remember when we used to call them thongs? As in, "James has a wide and colorful variety of thongs.")

Don't be a foot hater, James! Get a pedicure! Walk barefoot in the grass and pick dandilions with your toes...then smell them.

Weston Elliott said...

Hey! I'll have you know I have cute feet! I don't go barefoot just in the summer either, I've been known to go "sans shoes" in the snow a time or two.

Q said...

Ha. I'm in Southern California right now.

I'm so sorry. Really, I am.

Crystal Liechty said...

What the!?! I paid full price for that book!

And summer rules. Winter sucks! Bwah-ah-ah!!!!!!!!!!!!

J.N. Future Author said...

wow, tamara....your like the coolest person i know! ^.^

I hate summer because of allergys. Someone is always sneezing down your back (at least in my house) and this is coming from someone that would rather die than drink from a glass that someone else has put their lips on!

Melinda said...

I do not understand how people can actually like winter. I am cold 24-7. The roads are icy. There is nothing to do but events that are inside or make you more cold. Everything outside is frozen and dead.

The only thing I don't like about summer is the bugs. Especially mosquitos.

Other than that, bring on the sun and the heat baby!!!

James Dashner said...

Tamra, that was classic. And I'm not sure why I hate feet. There's just something very disturbing about them.

Okay, I don't really hate summer that much. In fact, I love it in many ways. But I really hate being hot. So if I could have summer where it doesn't get above 85, I'd be happy.

Worldbuilder Robin said...

BTW, you do know that they make ski-like roller blades that are designed for skiing on dirt, right? Too lazy to try and look them up...

Here in Rexburg, we literally went from winter (snowing and everything) to summer in just one week. I blame BYU-I for it's lack of a Spring semester. I'm just sayin'...

James Dashner said...

Serious? Going to look that up right now......

A Paperback Writer said...

I've never heard of anyone who thought feet were completely disgusting before. Hmmm.

How about this for your hot weather list:
Getting out of the shower and immediately feeling so sticky that you want another one.
And it's not just large women in short shorts: how about the fact that belly shirts are 99% of the time on people who have waaay too much belly? ugh.
Oh, and neighbors with kids and dogs are outside screaming hours and hours out of each day. In cold weather, they stay indoors more.

Anonymous said...

James,

you told me to talk to you on your blog so i am.

When i looked up your blog today and saw that guy jumping off the diving board i almost died of laughter!!!

it was totally wicked!!!!!!

i agree with at least 7/10 of "the 10 reasons i hate hot weather"
feet aren't that bad, but i don't like to swim and i hate hot weather.

talk to ya later,

Carlie B.

Heather B. Moore said...

I LOVE summer. Nothing is better than sitting on a dusty baseball fields eating sunflower seeds (we don't have nice grass ones in Lehi). Feet don't bother me, as long as they aren't TOUCHING me :) Let's all spring for a pedicure for poor James.

Suzy - Q said...

James...James...
if you want it 85 in summer, that's easy, move to Maine! I'm tellin' ya, Dude, rarely gets into triples there. Seriously, and the winters are killer!! (quite literally)
So if you like being cold...it's really the best of both worlds.

And hey, I just don't get the feet thing. I love bare feet... walking in them (especially in streams) wiggling them... seeing other people's...
they just don't bother me :)
Live a little.

SarahK said...

More reason to come home Bruthah: it's been in the 80's all week :)

Danyelle Ferguson said...

Yeah - hot here is like 85 degrees. There's tons of humidity though, which can be killer. But it's totally mild compared to when we lived in Utah.

Anonymous said...

i am a little late to the game on this one but you know my feet are gorgeous and there is no equal.


Paul

Anonymous said...

Yes, optimal weather for me is when it's between 60 to 74 Degrees Fahrenheit, but I like cold winter weather. I like the Frozen lakes & snowfall. I find hot weather to be a burnout. When you go to the beaches, so many of the women who are in the bikinis are beyond their primes, that most of the women you see on the beaches are not the prettiest women.

Hot weather is a burnout. When it's in the 80s Fahrenheit it starts getting a little bit too warm & when it's 90 Degrees +, it's too hot.

I don't understand what people like about summer & they hype which surrounds it. Bugs are out & it's alot harder to stay cool than it is to stay warm. Cold weather is fun-snowballs & I happen to like the blizzards. The people who don't like cold weather don't know how to enjoy the change of seasons. Cold weather is more fun than hot weather to me. For the people who don't like cold weather, rather than complain about it, why don't you move to Miami, Los Angeles, San Diego or somwhere else warmer, so that those of us who like the cold weather can enjoy. Finally, not every1 who lives in Arizona's desert likes the weather there. I've talked to people who live or lived in the Phoenix area & were happy to move out or would like to move out.

Anonymous said...

I agree, Anonymous.

I've always been a cold-weather girl. Winter is MY time of the year.

Summers here in Miami can be brutal. The only way I can be relatively comfortable is cold showers, lots of delicious ice cream, and the AC.

I would love to be able to move to Maine or somewhere with snowy, cold weather. That would be heaven. Maine is a beautiful state too.

Anonymous said...

Bugs suck too. I'm all for winter.

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