Monday, June 16, 2008

Father's Day and Tiger Woods

A few of you may not know this, but somehow the boundaries set up by Chuck Darwin failed miserably when it came to me, and I was allowed to procreate. I have 4 children, which officially qualifies me for Father's Day. And what a day it was.

For a week or two, my wife kept begging me to tell her what I wanted for this special day. I kept answering that I had no idea. Seriously, the only things I can think of when people ask me about presents are gift certificates to bookstores and enormous TVs. Well, my wife is sick of buying me Barnes and Nobel GFs, and she claims I should be satisfied with my 43-inch widescreen HDTV (puh-shaw!).

She came up with the idea for a new barbecue, because ours is almost dead and gone. I didn't like this proposition. I know I'm a selfish flub, but I hate the idea of presents that are just things you were going to buy anyway. Yes, we need a barbecue. And if Father's Day were six months from now, we'd still go buy one. Blah.

So then I came up with the perfect plan. I told her all I want is to sit around and watch the US Open all weekend (NO SPOILERS!!!!! I AM DVRing THE PLAYOFF TODAY AND WILL NOT KNOW THE OUTCOME UNTIL LATE TONIGHT. NO SPOILERS IN THE COMMENTS UNTIL TOMORROW!!!!!!).

So yeah, sweetie, please just let me sit around and be lazy and do nothing.

I knew what my wife would say next, so I cut her off: yeah, how's that different than any other day? Hardy har har.

So Saturday I TiVoed the tournament and watched Tiger's every shot that night. Then, yesterday, I completely ignored my extended family at the get-together at Grandma's and Grandpa's and watched Tiger's every shot live. I can't explain what pure bliss this was for me.

Now, stop all the snickering. If you think watching golf on TV is second only to watching a blade of grass grow on the bore-o-meter, then you have not been introduced to Mr. Tiger Woods. I think I'm finally ready to publicly admit that Tiger is my favorite athlete of all time. I love this man. I love his knowledge of the game and his superhuman skills. But most of all, I love his mix of pure concentration and passion on the course. He is SO FUN to watch.

Saturday, he was 5 strokes back with 6 holes to play. He ended up in first place. Sunday, he double bogeyed the first and bogeyed the second to lose his lead. But then, on 18, under enormous pressure, he sunk a long birdie to force a playoff with Rocco Mediate today (playing as we speak - NO SPOILERS!!!).

His reaction, fists pumping, screaming, high-fiving, was one of the highlights of my sports-watching career, right up there with the Braves winning the series in '95 and the Falcons winning the NFC Championship in '98 and Evander beating Tyson (the first time, not the ear-biting time). My son Wesley and I were doing our best to imitate Tiger's celebrating in Grandpa's living room, at the stunned stares of family members.

Football will always be my favorite sport (by FAR). And I really love baseball and basketball. But Tiger just might be my second favorite. Yes, I consider Tiger himself a sport. And watching the NBA Finals last night after the Tiger experience was SO BORING. I think I've officially turned into an old man.

Anyway, thanks to my wife for a great Father's Day. I also got some brand new running shoes, which I was very happy to receive. And my kids gave me very sweet, well thought-out homemade presents, too. Not to mention some dang good eatin' all day. (Note to aspiring writers: that last was a very poorly placed sentence. I'll leave it so we can learn a lesson.)

So, here's to a long day of avoiding TVs, radios, and the Internet so the outcome isn't spoiled. I can't wait for my next date with Tiger, tonight after the kids go to bed.

I hope there'll be a lot of fist-pumping.


Tamra Norton said...

And here I thought a bogey was that endless supply of crusty particlees my boys continually pluck from nostrils.

Happy Father's Day, Dashner!

Heather Moore said...

Yeah, well too bad Mediate and Tiger had to battle it out again today and you didn't get any closure last night . . . so I won't tell you who won in case you TiVo'd that too. (By the way, TiVo is for wimps)

Crystal Liechty said...


That's so funny! That's what Scott wanted for father's day, too! And then they had to do the *bleeping* playoff round so there was another four hours of golf. It was the longest father's day of my life.

Anonymous said...

I don't watch golf, but the headlines almost made me wish I could have watched the tourney. I do well just to get the golf cart to go forward. Glad you had a good day!

The Anderson's said...

I have to admit that was some pretty sweet dancing around you were doing when he made that putt.

Suzy - Q said...

Who else had to suffer through endless hours of golf this weekend??? That's hilarious! All day that's all my grampa did too, so yes, Dashner, I'd say you're getting a little...

okay, I'll be nice :)

running shoes...
I didn't know you could run...?

James Dashner said...

Blake, you just wish you were as mature as me.

James Dashner said...

Sweet biscuits! He won! Greatest US Open ever!